Homesick
by electricladay
Summary: Superhero business wasn't like para-rescue. And sometimes he resented it.


When Sam signed up for this superhero business, he was made aware of the consequences right away. Leave it to him to follow the guy who couldn't stay out of the line of fire. He wasn't new to this, but being a superhero wasn't like being a para-rescuer. So, aside from the eminent danger of death at the hands of freaky things he wouldn't have the time to try to understand before needing to neutralize, another consequence was not being able to see his family as often and as readily as he could before.

Sam Wilson was a family man. He loved his parents, and his sisters, more than anything. Aside from a few friends, they were his world. He, of course, was a military man and was used to being separate from them, but seeing his family was like the relief you got when you kicked your shoes off after a long day. His sisters got his humor like most people could not. His mom always knew what to say. He and his father respected one another. And that is, to Sam, one of the most important things a man can share with his father.

He loved them. So much. And yeah, being a superhero was awesome but he wished he could bring his sister's to the base or introduce his father to Captain America or bring his mother a souvenir. Superhero business wasn't like para-rescue. And sometimes he resented it.

Tonight was one of those times. It had been a grueling training day, and he was feeling a little homesick. He came back to his room, skipping out on dinner. There was a picture on the stand beside the door of he and his parents, next to a photo of he and his youngest sister; she'd graduated from college and none of them could stop smiling. He had his arm slung around her neck and their smiles took up most of the photo. He picked up the picture and grinned, remembering. It didn't help the homesickness. He put the picture down and checked his emails. Among the junk mail and the special offers, was a message without a title from his big sister.

After he officially joined the Avengers, he told his family. It was almost like reliving the day he told his family that he had enlisted. Only instead of "you're too smart for this", it was "you just got out, why would you go back in?" They were like that, his sisters; skeptical at first, and then, when they knew they wouldn't win against his bullheadedness, they would give their support. They got it, collectively, from his father. Pop Wilson didn't trust anything the first time. His dad was a veteran himself, and never talked about his time in. When Sam enlisted, he was furious. Later, after they'd fought about it, they came to an understanding and his father was able to respect his wishes. Mom was different, like Sam; they had trusting hearts and always followed their guts. She was the only one who voiced her concern but let him know that she was proud of him and behind him 100%.

He was scared when he thought about it, sometimes. There was no way to really know how his family was dealing with everything because when they talked they only ever wanted to laugh and feel good, not express how scared they are when they turned on the news. He wanted them to be proud of him. It never seemed like the right time to ask, though.

He opened the message and was smiling before he read it. _"Missing you, Sammy. Talk to you soon."_ He clicked on the message, and their voices boomed through the laptop speakers. Sariah, the eldest, was sitting in the seat first. She looked almost exactly the way she did the last time he'd seen her. She talked about how much she missed him, and what she was doing in her life, and how much she wished he were there. Shauna jumped in, blocking the camera with her eye and being as obnoxious as she had been all their lives. For three years, it had just been him and Sariah, who was his best friend. They were only a year apart. But then, his parents had Shauna. She was the new favorite and Sam remembered resenting her. But she turned out to be fun. And he liked finally being older than someone. They were as thick as thieves in no time. She talked about the fact that she was seeing this new guy, and he laughed when she narrated his eye roll. Like clockwork, Stella showed up, butting in between her sisters and stating that he needed to call more. _I don't care that you're a superhero; phones still work._ Stella had been a surprise to everybody, especially to he and his sisters. He was about six when his parents had her. And, from learned experience, Sam and Sariah had agreed to be a little nicer to this baby. And they loved her. And they spoiled her. And Stella was a definite product of that. The video stopped feeling like a presentation of what he'd missed and felt more like they were right there in the room with him, reminiscing on old jokes and the shenanigans they'd gotten themselves into. Like she always had, Sariah was the first to sober up. She ended the video, letting him know that they'd really love to see him, and that Mom and Dad missed him.

He closed the laptop before Stella and Shauna could say goodbye because they looked ready to cry and the pressure behind his eyes was already getting intolerable. He leaned back in his chair, trying to return to how good he felt before to just _see them_ , but his heart was heavy with regret and nostalgia. His room was made up of all these memories, and the more he thought about it, the heavier he felt.

The knock that came at the door both startled him and saved him, "Hey Sam; I wanted to check in about these flight patterns today—you good?"

Sam tried not to make eye contact with Rhodes while he wiped his eyes and sniffed, "yeah man, what's up?"

"If it's a bad time", Rhodes began in earnest, "we can talk tomorrow. It's really no problem."

"Yeah", Sam said and his voice sounded far away because now he felt stuck in missing his family and overwhelmed by it, "yeah, that's good."

Rhodes didn't leave and Sam didn't notice until he turned back to his desk. "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

Sam sighed, "no man…I'm good, I just— ", Sam turned to Rhodes and looked at him for a moment, trying to figure out if he was the one to confide in. But the emotions were starting to choke him and if he didn't say something, honestly, he was probably going to stop breathing, "I'm just homesick, that's all."

Rhodes crossed his arms over his chest, eyes contemplative and in that moment, Sam remembered that he and Tony Stark were best friends. Because Tony always crossed his arms when he was thinking, and the motion was usually followed by a sarcastic quip Sam didn't find necessary. Sam really hoped Rhodes didn't do that because he most certainly was _not_ in the mood.

"Actually", Rhodes started, beginning to sit and inclining his head as a request to continue. Sam nodded as Rhodes continued, "I was just talking to Tony about how much I missed my sister. He's an only child", Rhodes chuckles as Sam sits up a little straighter, "so he can't understand why I would miss the person who single-handedly annoyed the shit out of me K-12, but", he shrugs, grinning as if he's remembering and Sam _relates_ , "she's my sister."

"Yeah", Sam grins as he thinks of his own, "I've got three of them. One older, two younger. And I miss them every day." They both smile and Sam wonders if Rhodes is talking about this for the first time, too. Steve and Wanda don't really talk about their families because it's too tragic. Natasha, to this day, is an enigma but Sam suspects she fits in the same category as the other two Avengers. So he thought he was the only one that had a real life outside of all this. It's nice to know he isn't.

"Sharing a bathroom with three girls? Talk about a nightmare", They laugh together because _hell yeah it was_. Sam wants to show them off like a proud father. "I never thought that I would carry their pictures around. But while I was on tour, I kept a family photo in my bunker because one day this little kid rolled by on a bike and laughed just like my little sister. Thinking about them made me wanna come home", Sam stops because he thinks of all the people who didn't go home and how they may have been thinking the same way he did. Riley was an only child, too, but Sam didn't want to think about who he was trying to come home to.

"My mom and my sister", Rhodes began when he saw a faraway look in Sam's eye, "they hate Tony." It catches Sam off guard because Rhodes is laughing, and in retrospect, it is pretty funny, "They hate him because I've been getting in trouble with this man for almost ten years and my mother thinks he's a bad influence. I don't have the heart to tell her that some of this shit was my idea. I put on that suit; no one forced me into it", Rhodes is looking at Sam and he feels comforted and proud all at once. "There's always a catch to doing the right thing."

"I just wish that it wasn't them", Sam was looking over at the end table with all the pictures. Rhodes nods his head in agreement. The silence is still and thin, waiting for them. Sam is in his own head and maybe Rhodes is too because neither of them are carrying on the conversation. While Sam is glad he can lament, hashing this out with someone that understands is relieving. Steve is his best friend, but talking about your family is not the most congenial topic for a man who's lost all of his. It's also a reminder that, while there is tragedy which Sam can respect and relate to, there are also people he can laugh about his childhood memories with, and who he can talk about being homesick with, who will get exactly what he means.

Sam turns a smile on Rhodes "you know what? Thank you for indulging me while I'm in my feelings, but I think I need a beer", he stands, grabbing his jacket and walking towards the door, "still wanna go over those flight plans?"

Rhodes nods, standing, "just don't tell nobody I was almost crying up in here. Just say I got allergies", he wipes his eyes and struts out of the room.

Sam laughs, and that resentment he was thinking on earlier ebbs a little. Maybe Rhodes will make this feel a little more like home.

* * *

 _a/n: Sam Wilson aka The Falcon/Anthony Mackie is the best person ever. Also, Mackie said he wanted to punch Don Cheadle in the face and if that's not an OPT in the making then I don't know what is._

 _That is both unrelated and the whole reason why this thing exists. Thanks for reading._

 _FCs for the sisters: Sariah (Robin Givens), Stella (Drew Sidora), Shauna (Meagan Good)._


End file.
